Life is so mysterious, unpredictable that you can’t imagine what may happen in next few seconds, what to think about planning your rest of life. It has been the same for me. I grew up in a city called Chandigarh a very beautiful well planned city. My parents are both working so after school it was just me and my brother who used to stay at home, do our homework, and then fight with each other. Like most of brothers my bro also liked to tease me alot.... (He still does...), while I was a kid I never thought of what would I become when I will grow up as a person.. yeah certainly thought of becoming a doctor like many other children do but it is very rare that you get what you desire.
Why is it that most of the times we don’t get what we want in our lives? This question has been bothering me from some time. I heard somewhere that when you desire something from within your heart then the whole universe conspires to make you achieve what you desire, but i have never found this miracle to happen in my life. I desired something in my life which would have made me the happiest girl on this earth but my luck turned it the other way round.
Many people come in your life as guest, they come and make you feel that they will stay there for you forever and when you are sure that yes he /she will be there for you, you are relaxed, happy and want to remain like that then suddenly something undesirable happens and that person disappears from your life without even saying a good bye and you can’t do anything except to stand and watch while letting them walk away from your life.
There deep inside me lies an emptiness, a kind of fear to talk to people to avoid what happened before, to protect myself from facing the same situation, same humiliation, the situation when I wanted to cry out loud but I could not, when I was right but someone else misinterpreted me, when I never wanted to let that person leave me behind but I had no choice and live with a heavy heart for rest of my life.
The emptiness has resided in me and has made me mundane, I don’t feel like talking to people, to go out with them, the zeal to live life with enthusiasm and curiosity to unfold the remaining leaves of the book labelled as ‘my life’ has died. I sometimes just want myself to get disappear from this illusionary unpredictable world and want to enclose myself in a dark tunnel where no one can find me and where I will have no worries and can rest in peace.
Hmm interesting , but come to think of it about the doctor part , well those dreams are innocent, and as we grow up , we loose are passion for them and move on to other things , but i am sure there are people who have made their dreams big , as they never lost the enthusiasm for the same, but it also matters whether that dream was planted in our consicous mind by someone else or was it our desire at all
ReplyDeleteWen it comes to relationships , only word that harms us is "expectations" we are always happy and or craving for things we dont have , and one we get those things in life , we start expecting and we keep on increasing our expectations , and one day we come to know that other person is not simply not looking for the same things as we are , is it our guilt or is its the other person ,well its both
Well Monica , your not the first gal who has her heart broken , you wont be the last , but isnt life too small , to just crib about things ,will you do justice not to care about yourself just because someone didnt , you are as much as guilty of hearting yourself as others are
Peace is something you earn these days , its the most valuable element in this entire universe, but most of the times we ourselves block this element out of our life , and say to ourselves that we dont want to live happily :)
You go through all these wrong experiences so that you know the value of the right experience when it comes along .. nicely written :)
ReplyDelete^abv thanks...yup life on its way teaches a lot of things so that we become more conscious and take next step carefully...
ReplyDelete@abhi....thanks for your valuable experience ,certainly there are a no of ways to look on an experience...and definitely optimism helps :)
Very well written...highly appeased to read your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteif u get some time do download a song titled "emptiness (tune mere jaana...)"...probably one of the best.
thanks :)...listening this song now...its gud :)
ReplyDeletei was just searching for a pic for my first blog article which landed me to this article...and what a coincidence , my article has the same title , though our context is different but i really liked what you wrote ....the way you expressed the feelings is just amazing , do check my article as well :D
ReplyDeletehttp://shonazee.blogspot.in/
hey shonazee....thanks for appreciation! your post is equally good :)keep writing !
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